Current movies, books, television shows and magazines are full of impressions and suggestions about sex. We have examples all around us of couples engaging in premarital and extra-marital sex. There’s no way around it—today’s culture fills our minds with hundreds of reasons to just go ahead and have sex outside of marriage. But as Christians, we don’t want to simply follow everyone else. We want to follow Christ and know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage.
Reason #1 – God Tells Us Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage
In the seventh of God’s Ten Commandments, he instructs us not to have sex with anyone other than our spouse. It is clear that God forbids sex outside of marriage. When we obey God, he is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us.
Deuteronomy 28:1-3 If you fully obey the LORD your God … [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God …
God has a reason for giving us this command. First and foremost, he knows what’s best for us. By obeying him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.
Reason #2 – We Won’t Miss Out on the Blessing of the Wedding Night
There’s something very special about a couple’s first time. In this physical act the two become one flesh. Yet it is more than just physical oneness — a spiritual union takes place. God planned for this exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure to happen only within the intimacy of marriage. If we don’t wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.1 Corinthians 6:16
Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” Also read Why on earth are you still a virgin
Reason #3 – We Will Be Spiritually Healthier
If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.
Romans 8:8,13 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live …
Reason #4 – We Will Be Physically Healthier
This one is a no-brainer. If we refrain from sex outside of marriage, we will be protected from the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases.
1 Corinthians 6:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexualimmorality is a sin against your own body. (NLT)
Reason #5 – We Will Be Emotionally Healthier
One reason God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure has to do with baggage. We carry baggage into our sexual relationships. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn’t mean we’re free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Reason #6 – We Will Show Consideration for Our Partner’s Well-Being
If we put our partner’s needs above our own and consider their spiritual well-being, we’ll be compelled to wait for sex. We, like God, will want what’s best for them.
Ephesians 5:2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (NLT)
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (NASB)
Reason #7 – Waiting is a Test of True Love
Love is patient. That’s about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner’s love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking …
Reason #8 – We Will Have No Negative Consequences to Deal With
There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends — these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last?
Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences.
Reason #9 – We Will Keep Our Christian Testimony Intact
We don’t set a very good example of godly living when we disobey God. The Bible says in
1 Timothy 4:12 to “be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.”
In Matthew 5:13 Jesus compares his followers to “salt” and “light” when we represent him in the world. When we no longer shine the light of Christ, when we lose our Christian testimony, we lose our “saltiness.”
In other words, we become flavorless and bland. We lose our ability to attract the world to Christ.
Luke 14:34-35 puts it strongly, saying that salt without saltiness is worthless, not even fit for the manure pile.
Reason #10 – We Won’t Settle For Less Than God’s Perfect Will
When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God’s perfect will — for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don’t know what we might end up with. Perhaps we’ll end up in a miserable marriage.
So, here’s some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition.