How to be happy in marriage and life

3 min


In the past one week Kenyan men have known nothing but fear. It has been like a well set sequence of women seeking dominion over men. This has been a long running a battle that men might be finally loosing. From men being battered in the comfort of their own homes, to some having to live with snakes in the name of who speaks in the house. More recent we have seen men being maimed and washed down with hot water in their own houses by their very own wives.

We all can’t sympathize nor empathize with the men or women from these marriages. And many more are turning so horribly wrong. Divorce cases are sky rocketing in equal measure with cases of gay unions and single parenthood. The broadcast ones are the few we know of. The silent ones are cases of people having to live with the shame of their marriages. Either it’s a drunk or a sickening adulterer. Some people live with the fear that the next phone call is that of their spouse caught in another drama. Some spend millions of shillings to either cover up such cases or unearth them to get leverage for divorce.

At the end no one is happy. Marriages seem to suck. Fewer people want to try the Holy institution and those that have are more than happy to opt out. A higher percentage of the married people will never choose the same partner should the situations reverse. From a time when marital bed was a sacred place, now its where the most weird and horrible of sins get conceived. Women are asked of the most scary unfathomed requests from their husbands than ladies from their boyfriends. From swing clubs to multiple sex parties and inhuman sex acts, men seem to have a whole dictionary that they hope to get through.

No one is happy.

It’s at this part that someone has to intervene. The notion that has been construed should be let go. Happiness is defined as a mental state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. At no part in happiness is it sourced from someone else. That we have so unburdened ourselves and shoved our core joy to the sole responsibility of someone else is undoubtedly stupid.

I do not refute the fact that in life we shall meet that ‘special’ someone that makes sense to being. Love is truly a honorably thing. Marriage a gift from God.

Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and [NKJV: but] a prudent wife is from the LORD

Truly a gift, but happiness can not be derived and dictated by one person. At no point in time did God give any mortal whatsoever the key to our happiness. Its not at the tip of any man or woman the plug to our joy. Yes at times people hurt us, real bad. Yes at times it feels like without the decision of someone we will not find happiness, but ultimately its never of them to dictate of us when to be happy and when not to.

Happiness is a state of mind, therefore the real source of happiness lies in the mind, not in external circumstances.If our mind is pure and peaceful we shall be happy, regardless of our external conditions, but if it is impure and unpeaceful we shall never find happiness, no matter how much we try to change our external circumstances. Happiness is a choice YOU have to make. It is a state of being only you can create. 

Life shall generally suck at times, but its upon us to find ways round the rough edges of life without taking a smile. Standing back and waiting for that someone that shall not hurt you is a lie. Banking our joys upon the prerogative of another is a foolish move. People will always put their happiness at some point first. Its selfish of us to ask of others to think of us before themselves. Though at times it does make sense and potray love, its even stupid of us to expect them to, though at times they will, but when they don’t does not mean we have to boil up in rage and tears.

We can’t justify other people’s actions whether good or bad unless we walk their shoes during those circumstances, but again, we can’t pin our troubles on them. It’s in hardships that people truly find love, but it’s in the same hardships that our true show of strength, perseverance and understanding are marked. And this are not marked by some scores up in heaven but by character through them. Our happiness should not be affected by the tides of time and circumstances.

Happiness is a state of mind, therefore the real source of happiness lies in the mind, not in external circumstances.If our mind is pure and peaceful we shall be happy, regardless of our external conditions, but if it is impure and unpeaceful we shall never find happiness, no matter how much we try to change our external circumstances

It’s upon us to find peace and purity in our minds.  Philippians 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

If we lay our minds upon the positive that can come out of live no matter the mitigating circumstances, and cherish them, if we choose a life filled with hope, faith and a purpose, then no one shall dictate to us when and how to be happy but our own selves.


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One Comment

  1. I like it that
    Happiness is a state of mind, therefore the real source of happiness lies in the mind, not in external circumstances.If our mind is pure and peaceful we shall be happy, regardless of our external conditions, but if it is impure and unpeaceful we shall never find happiness, no matter how much we try to change our external circumstances. Happiness is a choice YOU have to make. It is a state of being only you can create.